Big Blow Py Ro!
I found a really great rural spot to park my double wide on. It’s a nice flat lot next to a small company that’s called “Big Blow Py Ro”. So far they don’t seem very neighborly, but they do have a lot of security and cameras. I tried to meet them but no one answered the speaker at the gate when I hit the button, but it was lunch time so they were probably all eating pie.
The place is pretty over run with weeds and not very well maintained, but I’m thinking this may be a good thing, since I have a couple old cars, a travel trailer we don’t use anymore and a tractor that will be hanging out in the yard. Plus my mower broke down years ago. But something keeps nagging me. I’m a little concerned about the fences and razor wire. That could be dangerous for our young’uns when they are out playing in the yard. I still remember like my grandma’s pie and it would be really cool to live next to a pie factory, what do you think? Anonymous and hungry for Pie!
Well anonymous, not surprising, allow me to attempt some advice.
You seem to have stumbled upon hideout of sorts. A number of years ago two scientists were conducting experiments in Bolivia. They had developed a new chemical composition that would revolutionize and quickly make large holes where large holes needed to be made. In their excitement they proposed to make a public demonstration and chose the Bolivian Amphitheater where they could accommodate a large audience of distinguished scientist, developers and folks.
Unfortunately, that structure no longer exists. Nor, by the way, does the real estate it sat on. The two scientists, saddened by the disaster that ensued, yet pleased with their result quietly escaped to the U.S. and were no longer heard from for some time. Word had it that they were in the dynamite development business.
Their names were well known in Bolivia as O.K. Lytum and Quikklee Hyde. It was assumed that the company they formed in the U.S. was known as Lytum and Hyde.
Some years ago a third scientist joined their group, one Dr. Azquikk Azukanna and the company became known as “Lytum and Hyde Azquikkasukann”.
Now they have been recluses for quite some time and nasty rumors surfaced about them being heavily involved in the drug trade. Hence the razor wire and security cameras etc.
Those rumors started when they changed the company name to the current “Big Blow Py Ro”. Frankly I think they were mislabeled and are really quite salt peter of the earth. My suggestion when you’ve settled is to have a real welcome big bang party, you know a very large bonfire close to the fences so the security cameras pick it up. Perhaps a sign inviting them to your bonfire bash with hot dogs, brats and some potato salad.
Oh, and use a few bottle rockets aimed over the fence to get their attention. That’ll open the security gates real fast. You know a real “pow” wow so they know you mean business. Even though they might enjoy a beer or two I’d suggest that you keep the young’ uns back at grandma’s place.
That said, plan that party partner. Oh, hope they bring over some of that “Big Blow Py Ro” pie!
Lost fishing motor!
Dear BS Guys:
Lost fishing motor? Recently my buddies and I took a fishing trip to Canada. We rented a boat, motor and cabin. This was a first for all of us and we had a lot of fun. But we lost the fishing motor. To make a long story short, it appears that there are clamps that are used to hold the motor to the boat. Okay, so my buddies and I missed this minor detail and the motor jumped from the back of the boat in about 100 ft. of water. We know the location, and are thinking of going back next year to look for the motor. Any ideas what would be the cheapest way of retrieving it? Todd P.
Dear Todd P.
There are a lot of factors associated with a losing an outboard motor. But maybe a really, really big f——- magnet!
But anyway, let me get this straight. You and your buddies go to Canada to fish. Clearly you’ve never been on a boat or operated a boat. Did you know what a boat looked like? I would be amazed if you knew enough to put the motor on the transom. ER….you did hang the motor on the transom?
Now you failed to mention whether you were in salt water or fresh. If you were in salt water the motor was a piece of shit inside of a month. If you were in fresh water the motor was a piece of shit inside of 6 months.
Cheapest way to recover your motor? Buy another f*#king motor you cheap bastards. But, if you really want to retrieve that motor here’s what to do. You know the location so you say….Rent another boat. Go out to the location. Get one of your buddies to tie a rope around his waste remind him to hold his breath and throw him over the side. If he has trouble getting to bottom add a concrete block around his waist so he rockets to the bottom. He’ll be feeling like Captain Nemo in no time. Tell him to stay down until he finds the motor. He can give a tug on the rope so you can pull him and the motor up at the same time. I figure he’ll be holding it in his arms. If he doesn’t come up in 20 minutes or so set up the next buddy the same way. Obviously you’ll need another concrete block to help him get the bottom. Sooner or later you’ll come up with the motor….or…..die trying.
I can see Lloyd Bridges shaking his head now……
Vintage AMC Pacer
Dear BS Guys:
I love my vintage AMC Pacer. I keep it as vintage as possible including the original eight track tape player and the old Royce CB radio. However, it seems like my transmissions on the CB, though they are audible, are very muffled regardless of the squelch or volume. I’ve had this problem for years. Any suggestions to improve the quality of the transmissions?
From Randy Racer
This sounds like a quick fix to us. We are actually familiar with that model of the AMC Pacer since my partner destroyed one a few years back. The truck he was driving didn’t get a scratch, and he was okay.
After that experience we can say for a fact, don’t believe anyone when they say the older cars are better built. An F-250 really does some damage. You’d think they’d have improve it. But, hey, as we see it they should have had more lights on that intersection.
Anyway, sounds like you’ve fallen into the classic trap of all AMC Pacer CB operators. You’re picking up the microphone with your right hand and depressing the mic button with your thumb.
TURN the F——- Mic around!