Big Blow Py Ro!
I found a really great rural spot to park my double wide on. It’s a nice flat lot next to a small company that’s called “Big Blow Py Ro”. So far they don’t seem very neighborly, but they do have a lot of security and cameras. I tried to meet them but no one answered the speaker at the gate when I hit the button, but it was lunch time so they were probably all eating pie.
The place is pretty over run with weeds and not very well maintained, but I’m thinking this may be a good thing, since I have a couple old cars, a travel trailer we don’t use anymore and a tractor that will be hanging out in the yard. Plus my mower broke down years ago. But something keeps nagging me. I’m a little concerned about the fences and razor wire. That could be dangerous for our young’uns when they are out playing in the yard. I still remember like my grandma’s pie and it would be really cool to live next to a pie factory, what do you think? Anonymous and hungry for Pie!
Well anonymous, not surprising, allow me to attempt some advice.
You seem to have stumbled upon hideout of sorts. A number of years ago two scientists were conducting experiments in Bolivia. They had developed a new chemical composition that would revolutionize and quickly make large holes where large holes needed to be made. In their excitement they proposed to make a public demonstration and chose the Bolivian Amphitheater where they could accommodate a large audience of distinguished scientist, developers and folks.
Unfortunately, that structure no longer exists. Nor, by the way, does the real estate it sat on. The two scientists, saddened by the disaster that ensued, yet pleased with their result quietly escaped to the U.S. and were no longer heard from for some time. Word had it that they were in the dynamite development business.
Their names were well known in Bolivia as O.K. Lytum and Quikklee Hyde. It was assumed that the company they formed in the U.S. was known as Lytum and Hyde.
Some years ago a third scientist joined their group, one Dr. Azquikk Azukanna and the company became known as “Lytum and Hyde Azquikkasukann”.
Now they have been recluses for quite some time and nasty rumors surfaced about them being heavily involved in the drug trade. Hence the razor wire and security cameras etc.
Those rumors started when they changed the company name to the current “Big Blow Py Ro”. Frankly I think they were mislabeled and are really quite salt peter of the earth. My suggestion when you’ve settled is to have a real welcome big bang party, you know a very large bonfire close to the fences so the security cameras pick it up. Perhaps a sign inviting them to your bonfire bash with hot dogs, brats and some potato salad.
Oh, and use a few bottle rockets aimed over the fence to get their attention. That’ll open the security gates real fast. You know a real “pow” wow so they know you mean business. Even though they might enjoy a beer or two I’d suggest that you keep the young’ uns back at grandma’s place.
That said, plan that party partner. Oh, hope they bring over some of that “Big Blow Py Ro” pie!
BS Boys, Okay, I thought I was a Republican until the last presidential race. But after then I voted, and I was totally confused, I think I might be turning into a Democrat. Help, is it too late to save me? Should I change my voter registration? Thanks in advance – Coming out… as a Democrat
Dear Coming out…
Ah, a very intelligent question indeed. So let me get this straight… you were a Republican, and then you started to feel the pangs of turning Democrat? Okay, looking deeper into your problem I see outside forces pulling and tugging at your decision.
Let me guess, you were a successful Republican businessman who was doing well. You started taking longer and longer lunches and your secretary started to look good. One thing leads to another and your wife catches you touching her keyboard. Now your ass deep in a divorce and the Ex owns the business. Money is all but gone now and your wandering around with a stupid look on your face because you got caught eating a slice of pizza while smoking a cigar as your secretary smoked you under the desk.
First, wandering aimlessly around with a stupid look on your face and looking for someone else to take the blame is, well, democratic. Eating pizza and getting smoked at the office is, well, democratic. Having a cigar, listening to “Hail to the Chief” while getting smoked is well, democratic.
I can see your problem clearly, but, there is a fix!
First, start another business, register temporarily as an independent, and after you start getting successful re-register as a Republican. That way you can ease the suffering, still not loose your dignity and lower yourself to a total jackass level!
Howdy BS Boys, My buddies and I were out fishing for catfish late last week on the local lake. The weather is getting kind of cold. I had a little trouble passing out the beer with my numb fingers. Because of what turned out to be frost bite, I lost beer…I dropped a whole six-pack over the edge of the boat. Good thing is I know where I dropped it in the river. I don’t know about you, but I really hate to lose a beer, let alone a full six-pack. BS Boys, what do you think, is it still there? Bob V.
Dear Bob V.
O.K. first of all you didn’t say whether it was bottles or cans. Secondly, catfish don’t have thumbs so they can’t open the twist off caps if they’re bottles. If they were cans, ditto. Yeah, we think the beer will still be there, but the bigger question is why have you taken so long to retrieve it? Get in there and swim! Now comes the advice. Why would you hold a six-pack of beer over the rail of the boat in the first place? Or even put the beer close to the side of the boat? Don’t you have children? I mean come on……..